A Lonely Paradox

Loneliness can be a heavy burden. Stuck in your own mind as it plays its dirty tricks. You want to let them escape, but not a listening ear is around. Isolated and alone, you reach out to people and nobody seems to care. The hopelessness of your situation arises. It's not even worth the effort. It will only make you feel more alone. Each resulting silence screams back at you. Making the loneliness echo in your head. You give up. You resign yourself to being alone with irrational thoughts and dealing with them by yourself. You're lonely and want to be around people and interact with them, but the futility makes it all seem worthless. Why try? Why not just sit and revel in your own shit? It won't make it any better, but it won't make it any worse. Being lonely and isolated is much better than being lonely in a crowd. At least isolation brings about a certain comfort that you're lonely on your own terms. It's not that nobody wants to talk to you, but that you don't want to talk to anybody. A perverted sense of control, because in reality all you want is to be among a group of friends, experiencing joviality or sharing kind words or just talking, but you somehow twist your own mind into thinking that you want to be alone. That you don't need anybody. Nobody cares anyway, right? You'll just wallow in your own self-pity waiting for it to fade away. You're fine with that. What a self-delusion! You don't want it to fade away. You want someone, anyone, to take it away. But there's nobody there. There's nobody except for all those people you don't want to see. Those who could take it away, but emotional fear overpowers your want. Being an introvert only cultivates those fears. You desperately want human contact, but you also desperately just want to be alone. A mental tug-of-war that seems to have no solution but to give up on the day, give up on people, and hold onto the paralyzing paradox until your eyes slowly begin to shut and the world drifts away. You're finally content with being alone. And a new day awaits.